I often say that “I don’t like people,” but I realized recently that it’s something that I really need to stop saying. Not least of which because it’s not really true.

One of the running jokes / discussions in one of my friend circles is “why did I get into community work when I don’t like people?” If you’re in the circle you know exactly what that actually means:

• Most of us started working with open source communities because we loved the technology and/or some of the projects and wanted to work with them all the time and landed in community facing roles.
• When your job revolves around collaboration with a lot of people, you inevitably encounter various types of friction and…
• Dealing with those types of friction is a lot of emotional labor and so much more complicated than the technology. Or at least complicated in different and less predictable ways. I have become, if not an expert, at least really competent with a lot of technologies. I’m not entirely sure I’ll ever be a people expert.

But, the truth is, we love people. True, I prefer them in smaller groups. I don’t mind public speaking at all, 10 people, 100 people, 1,000 people… presumably 10,000 people or more would be fine, but I’ve never been in front of a group that large.

However, if there’s bi-directional conversation then I find it much easier to track conversations when it’s just a few people. Even if I like every single person individually, if you have a group of eight, 10, or more people at a table my social battery depletes faster than an old smartphone. Loud parties are not my jam, and it’s been more than a decade since I hurled myself into a mosh pit.

Also, if I’m being candid I have to admit I’m a bit of a curmudgeon.  (People who know me can now feign surprise.)

And yet… I actually like people. And I like doing community and communications work — and solving those problems — as much as, sometimes more than, technology problems.

True, it’s not as easy to know when you’ve solved those problems. There’s no linter for people or communications. And there’s no “format and start over” (or backups) to rely on. And people don’t come with manuals!

What I say isn’t what you hear

All of that aside, I actually do like people. And enjoy working with them. Mostly. People can be difficult sometimes, or inconvenient to work with.

The more people involved in any given project, milestone, etc., the more complexity and difficulty there is in getting to a desired outcome. And, as mentioned, lots of people at once can be overwhelming.

So I might make a comment about “ugh, people.” I know what I mean by that. But I realized the other day, other people emphatically do not.

As a person of moderate intelligence you might think that this would’ve been obvious to me much sooner. Alas. I have a life-long bad habit of believing that other people know all the things I know, so clearly people should know when I’m serious or not. Or what I mean even if I’m being sarcastic, etc.

Yeah, not so much. I mean, I’m sure a fair number of people get it that I really mean “in this moment, this people scenario is less than optimal. Computers are so much easier.”

But a fair number of people, don’t. Also, it probably wouldn’t hurt for me to work on adopting a more positive framing to things anyway. Time to work on that.

(It is still true that I generally like cats more than people, though.)

 

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Filed under: Journaling - @ August 8, 2023 13:17